Kids Really Do Ruin Everything. In the Nicest Way.

You'd never guess they could be so destructive!

Tonight was the first night in nearly two years that I saw a movie on opening night..."Rango."  Yes, a children's movie.  With my two oldest children, having dropped the baby into daycare for the evening.  All of which took precision planning.

That, in a nutshell, is exactly how having children changes EVERYTHING.  I haven't seen a movie on opening night in nearly two years.  And certainly not on a whim!

When you and your beloved consider having children, everyone will tell you that having children changes everything.  And you'll tell yourselves that you "get it."  And then you'll tell yourselves that you won't let a kid change you.  You'll think about how having a kid will change things.  What pops to mind first is that you'll have less time, less sleep, and less money. (All are true, by the way.) Then you tell yourselves you'll simply plan things better, train the baby to sleep well, and work a little bit more for some extra money.  Issue solved and next thing you know you're painting the baby room and having a baby shower and pushing a baby out in the hospital.

And then you realize you had it all wrong.  Kids don't just change things.  They pretty much ruin everything.

Less time?  Total understatement.  And completely misleading.  Less time actually translates to spending time doing things you probably wouldn't ever want to do (i.e. cleaning poop off of walls) or doing it at times you wouldn't otherwise even dare to try something (cleaning up kid puke off your own feather pillow at 3:00am).  It also means you will NEVER get to do things on your own chosen schedule.  Forget about hopping in a car with your spouse at 1:00am for a run to IHOP for pancakes.  Or heading out on a romantic weekend at a small boutique hotel like you used to do sans kids.  Or going to a swanky restaurant.  Or just having time as a couple - sitting on the couch watching TV and snuggling.  IHOP becomes "Tuesdays Kids Eat Free" nights; vacations become LEGOland, the zoo, or even some indoor water park in Virginia because they offer (ridiculously expensive) childcare services; swanky restaurants all but have a 'do not bring your drooling/screaming/pooping infant in here' sign.  If you actually find you have time to sit and watch TV and snuggle with your spouse you will inevitably fall asleep within 5 minutes, only to be awoken 10 minutes later by a screaming kid (and then you play the game of 'which one of us is going to admit hearing the kid and get him').

The backseat.  At least they're all sleeping!

Oh, and the car.  My husband and I all but flipped the middle finger up to anyone who mentioned the word 'minivan' to us when we were car shopping last spring.  We were having our third kid - and getting the car WE wanted.  One mid-sized BMW sedan (moonroof! coffee cup warmer! supple leather seats!  sports package!) later, and our kids will be paying for that car for the next three years, and not in money.  We didn't account for the fact that TWO of them would be in safety car seats.  We just peeked in the back and said "yup, they'll fit."  And they do.  Mostly.  To make matters worse, the stroller completely eats up the trunk space (I considered strapping it to the top of the car - so chic!).  And that new car smell? Totally gone within a week - since it was immediately decorated in crushed cheerios, spilled milk, greasy fingerprints, and mashed up crayons, what do you think it smells like?

Even our choice to go to Cairo was heavily influenced by our children.  We carefully weighed the entire bid list of countries, researching schools and living space.  You can NOT just run off to any part of the globe without fully researching the family-friendliness and safety of the area.  [Insert irony of Egypt's recent political instability here.] There are parts of the world in which Jason and I might have considered had we not had children.  But with kids you've got to be a bit more picky.  Now that I think of it, our living in Los Angeles was fully determined by the kids - we literally chose our condo based on:
1. Size (try finding a 3-bedroom place in Manhattan Beach or West LA for under $5K/month)
2. Schools (sorry LA Unified, downtown doesn't cut it, and we couldn't afford private schooling)
3. Laundry facility in-unit (I was NOT going to go to a laundromat to do the laundry for a family of four.  No no no no no).

Jason and I would have adored renting a sweet little loft in downtown LA, but with kids that was never even an option.

In addition to the above, I have compiled a list of things ruined by children.  Please note:  this is not all-inclusive.

*Computer Screens (finger prints)
*Televisions (peanut butter and jellied)
*Actually, all electronic items
*Kitchen cabinets (Owen actually ripped one off the wall when trying to climb it.)
*Personal bathroom time
*Personal sleeping space
*Personal shower time
*Your body (pregnancy x3 = different body than the original model you were sporting)
*Personal grooming items (Toothbrush dropped in toilet.)
*All living space (See photos.  Space no longer has a distinct function.)
*Your cell phone (25 apps on my iPhone don't even belong to me.)
*Any breakable item to which you have a deep and emotional attachment
*Your expensive purse (My Juicy bag has been decorated with markers by Abby.  And boogers.)
*All of your clothing (Think baby spit-up on your shoulder.  And boogers.)
*Your music (Eminem is no longer an acceptable listen in the car with kids in ear-reach.)
*Your car conversations
*Your phone conversations
*Any appliance
*Shopping (There is no such thing as a quick run into the store anymore.)
*Your trip to the hairstylist (I had to drop a place because I took Owen there as a toddler for a haircut.  And the ensuing meltdown --- I literally had to fireman-carry him out while he kicked and screamed --- ensured I was never welcome there again.)

Is it a living room?
Or a video game room?
Or a personal gym?

Or a daycare center?

There is a song by Jonathan Coulton that my husband had me listen to one day.  It's called "You Ruined Everything."  My favorite verse:

"You should know,
How great things were before you
Even so,
They're better still today
Now I can't think who I was before
You ruined everything in the nicest way"

And that, in a nutshell, completely says it all, too.

How could I ever want to give up all those sweet moments with my children?  Of the warm little munchkins crawling into my personal sleeping space for a hug and a snuggle? Of the nighttime tuck-in stories and songs and kisses and hugs.  Of my [still] checking on my 6- and 8-year olds, at night before I go to bed to make sure they're still breathing and to kiss their little cheeks and stroke their hair.

And the crazy kid logic!  Yesterday, Owen (he's 8) was putting gel in hair.  And his statement as to why was:  "Mom.  It's pizza day at school.  I need to look good."

Or of my sweet little Abby who can't simply walk anywhere.  She literally skips through the house, down the street to her friends house, getting out of the car to go to school, through the mall when we're shopping.  She skips and sings.  Loves Taylor Swift and Justin Beiber and Hannah Montanna.  Total cliche of a little girl and I love it.

The special way he lays on my chest
with his head tucked under my chin.

How could I ever even think that things were better before baby Kellen came along and stole my heart and reminded me to slow down and just enjoy sitting on the couch to watch him learn to smile or giggle or blow raspberries.  And that baby smell.  And the little meowing sounds he makes when he eats. And that special way he lays on my chest and presses his head up under my chin.

I now have a complete appreciation for cheese pizza, chicken nuggets, pink sparkly nail polish, Nickelodeon, scooters, the beach (and specifically frolicking in the ocean), swimming pools, iPods, the cat, the dog, tea parties, video games, frogs, lizards, rocks, coloring with markers.  I could go on and on about the day-to-day that I used to take for granted, but the kids marvel in --- and remind me to marvel in.

Living overseas?  There will be lots of time to find places sans kids when they are all grown up and long out of the house.  18 years will pass by in the blink of an eye.  And until then, we'll love traveling as a family - looking at things from the perspective of us (me and Jason) and the kids.  First thing Owen told us when we told him we were moving to Egypt:  "I'm going to ride the Sphinx and climb the Pyramids!  Can we live on the Nile?"  Complete and utter excitement.  None of the "Wow.  Egypt. Are you sure you want to go there?  Why would you leave the U.S.?" that we get from most of the adults we meet.  Not our Owen.  He likens himself to a young Indiana Jones and he wants to explore.

So yes.  Kids really do change everything (ruin it!).  But in the nicest way.

Getting My Mojo Back

What's a workout program without
a new snarky workout shirt?

Kellen is 4 1/2 months old this week.  I know I shouldn't use his age my personal guideline for when-Heather-should-be-back-in-shape, but I do.  My goal for the weight loss (I gained 38 pounds with this pregnancy) was to lose it all by the time he turned 4 months.  I have lost 35 pounds and all my clothes fit.  So I'm happy with the weight issue.  But despite the weight loss, the bod is well...different. Softer.  Rounder.  Maybe even *gasp* saggier.

I am now at the point postpartum that it's time to work on the toning and the tightening.  I don't have $20K to nip and tuck the easy way, so it must be done the old fashioned way.  Diet and Exercise.  Truthfully, beyond the physical results I desire, I really do need to do it to improve my overall health.

San Pedro (LA Harbor area) 2009
Where I used to do my daily running.

The year we spent in Los Angeles  (AKA The Mecca of Sunshine and Incredibly Fit People), was the healthiest I've ever been.  I ran regularly - 5 days per week, 4-10 miles each time.  I'd grab an iced soy latte on the way to the shore, drink about 1/4 of it and save the rest for the end of the run.  Kids were in school (and we had an au pair to help - miss you, Jenny!), no baby at the time, and I didn't have to be at work until 11AM.  Fresh produce was in abundance, and we had a nice sushi place around the corner from our condo to grab some great on-the-go food (not that I'd grab sushi - I don't like it, Jason does - but I do love a good Bento Box lunch with teriyaki chicken or steak).  Even dessert was healthier (I miss you, Pinkberry frozen yogurt!).

Fast-forward to this year.  Cold Ohio, baby in tow, kids on my own.  I fear I can barely squeeze in 30 minutes of workout, let alone an hour!  Restaurants in the area focus on the fried - French fries (yum), fried chicken (yum), chicken wings (yum).  Pizza (yum), burgers (yum) heavy Italian foods/pasta meals (yum), fast food (yes, yum), giant portions (not so yum).  It's easy to see that with the weather (9 months of winter, slush and rain with perpetual overcast skies year-round) and the above combo of food choices how easy it is to live the unhealthy lifestyle.  I used to live it, and I don't want to slip back into those shoes.  Or clothes for that matter.

2009. Santa Monica.  #479.
Yes, My shirt says "I heart LA".

So here I am.  Preparing to once again 'get in shape.'  I hate that phrase.  It insinuates that I am not in shape at the moment.  That is going a bit far.  I do have a shape, just it's a bit more jiggly than I am comfortable with.  And I've lost a lot of my core strength I had once worked up with a year of hot yoga.  My back hurts, my shoulders ache, and my neck is constantly on fire.  I don't just want to 'get in shape' - I also want to improve my overall health.

If there is ANYTHING that nursing has taught me, it's that quality of life is usually directly related to overall health.  And taking it a step further, I intend to enjoy working out - no matter what form of exercise it is.  I may not be able to do my daily 5-miles run (yet), but I have options and I intend to enjoy them.  Even when Ohio is over (August) and Cairo begins - I don't know if I'll be able to find the time I'd like to dedicate to running. (But I am looking forward to joining the Cairo-area Hash House Harriers!)  Time to branch out.

My new workout buddy.
In my living room.

While it might be a little late in the year to post out New Year's Resolutions, it's never to late to start a healthier lifestyle.  Come join me.  I've added the Daily Mile widget to my blog (thanks, Jen!) and you can join and post your workouts as well.  Walk, run, elliptical, swim, dance, bike. Whatever works for you simply works.  Check out my new workout intention to the right...


Update 3/5/11:
I've had a lot of questions about what elliptical I am using, and whether or not I recommend it.  I purchased it at amazon.com (free shipping, directly to my porch!) --- the Schwinn A40 Elliptical.  It was roughly $400 (I figured this to be the equivalent to 8 months of a gym membership - at the time I ordered it, the number of months we had left in Ohio!), no tax!  My dad put it together; said it was a bit of a pain in the A**, but not impossible.  It took him less than 2 hours.  The only blip is that the box had two right legs to it.  I called customer service and they shipped me a replacement part and it arrived less than 3 days later.  The machine has a small footpath (our living room is 20' x 15' and it doesn't take up much space), easy to use, and quiet.  I'd say it was a great purchase.    Another option of course is Craig's List (my friend Karen is a junkie - she's ALWAYS finding a great steal on Craig's List!), but wasn't an option for me - I had no vehicle to pick up a used machine!

Anyway, here is a list to the machine I bought.  Happy workout!  

Six Months Down...Six MORE to Go...

I know that the big buzz on the FS blogosphere right now is the proposed pay cuts to FS employees.  And I am concerned - even posted a nice little Washington Post article on my Facebook feed.  But...

I'm in my own selfish world right now.

In less than two days my husband will be on a plane headed back to Iraq.  No idea if he can even get into the country at this point (yet another issues I should be following - the increased violence in the Middle East has spilled over into Iraq.  As if it wasn't bad enough there already).

Jason with our little man.

I've enjoyed some 15 lattes since Jason has been home.  We hit Starbucks hard!  A few nice meals out, and a couple lovely evenings cooking together.  There have been two snowstorms, and I was so glad that Jason was here to shovel while I snuggled under a blanket on the couch with a cup of coffee.  We've gone shopping with the kids, bought them some shiny new toys and a few new clothes.  Jason got to meet his son (our 4-month old Kellen) again.  First thing he did was teach Kellen to blow raspberries.

We've discussed Cairo - over and over again - will we still go?  What are our options if it doesn't return to normal?  And we talked future dreams - what other countries will we live in or visit someday?

We tossed around the idea of sorting through 'stuff' that we need to sort through before we move in August.  But that project, along with so many others, fell by the wayside.  As I sit here typing this,  I am surrounded by some of that 'stuff' that always seems to pile up in the house.

I all but forced my husband to accompany me to doctors' appointments (my follow-up with my surgeon post-colonoscopy; Kellen's 4-month well-baby visit) and I made him go to the dentist.  Imagine how smug he was when it turned out HE had the perfect bill of dental health while I had a cavity that needed filled.  I got that cavity filled under valium-induced giggles;  post-filling, he drove me home shaking his head.

Tonight he is visiting some friends and I managed to get all three (!!!) kids to bed by 9:00pm. It's quiet here, save for the hermit crab rustling around in his cage.  Gross.

Tomorrow we have a lunch with Owen's Cub Scout's Troop and we plan on just hanging out at home in the evening.  I want so badly not to think about the following morning.  THE morning in which I drive Jason to Pittsburgh to drop him off at the airport, chin-up, forced smile, a casual 'see ya soon'.  I know my tears will flow, but not until after I drop him off.  My very good friend Nikki has already planned a girls' shopping trip on Monday to the outlets -- she remembers how hard it was for me when last I dropped the hubby off at the airport.  I can't thank her enough for being here for me.  We'll meet up with another girlfriend, Suni, in Cleveland and talk work and babies and dogs (they both have dogs, not kids!) and they'll try to get me to forget about the icky, achy feeling in my chest.  I really have the best of friends.

Then it's back to the day-to-day on my own.  Kids up in the AM, get them to school, wipe the baby spit-up off my shirt, do laundry, do dishes, go to work, shovel snow.  Kids to bed, take a shower, crawl in the lonely bed and try not to think about how we still have six more long months...

Now I take a deep breath, and let it out.  Need to put everything back into perspective.

We've come this far, and even though it hurts - and it really does hurt - we are doing well and have so much to look forward to.  In fact, I calculated it out, and we only have 10 weeks until his next leave.  That's just 70 days.  And seeing as how we have done nearly a full year's separation (he was in DC March thru August last year while the kids and I stayed in Ohio BEFORE he left for Iraq), 10 weeks really isn't all that long.  Not in the grand scheme of things.

It's been a great 2 1/2 weeks with Jason home.  Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish we could stay here 'normal' with him at home.  We have a nice house, a beautiful family, great friends.

But if he stayed here, we'd go back to what it was before he started this career, and that's not what we want.  We wanted this new life - to travel, to discover, to grow.  This separation is just part of the process and we're putting in our dues.  Six months down, six more to go.  And then we're on to a grand new adventure.