A Different Journey

All I'm waiting for are my uniforms to finish in the dryer.

Whenever I tell someone that my husband is in Baghdad, they typically assume that he serves in the military.  Well, he doesn't work for the military; he works for the foreign service.  I, however, serve as an officer with the U.S. Army Reserves.  This wacky set-up is always fun to explain.  Anyway, two weeks each year I travel to an Army base and perform my duties as a nurse at the base hospital.  Last year's annual training was at Ft. Bragg, NC.  This year I'm attached to Ft. Carson, CO.

Jason and I actually met in the Army - years ago (1997) when we were both enlisted as MP's in a unit in Austintown, OH.  That was so long ago - back when the uniform was referred to as BDU's and we had to button everything up and starch our uniforms, shine our black leather boots, and our gear hung off of an incredibly uncomfortable web belt.  Now the uniforms are called ACU's, require no starch, the pattern is a digitized camouflage, the boots are an easily maintained tan suede/leather, and MOLLE gear has replaced the web belt.

We've long since left that MP unit.  Jason finished his assignment and opted not to reenlist.  I did the same; however, after finishing my BSN years later, I decided to return to my Army roots as an RN.  Tomorrow I'll board a plane in Pittsburgh and head out to Colorado Springs, CO to report for duty.

I've spent the entire day packing the kiddos' stuff for what they'll need at their grandparent's house for the next two weeks.  I have literally done ten loads of laundry - Kellen's sickness this week got in the way of getting anything done.  Plus he barfed so much on everything that practically his entire wardrobe needed washed.  My uniforms are in the the dryer; I have multiple copies of my orders; I've got most everything packed.

Kids have been kissed goodnight and Daddy got to call to tuck them in - their favorite.  Kellen has made a miraculous turn-around.  He's still sick but has made enough improvement that I'm no longer fretting about going for training.  And the kids have already given me their wish list for items from the PX.

I'm excited for this trip; I'd even call it a working vacation.  I've never been to Colorado and the area looks beautiful in pictures.  I can't wait to see it up close.  And I'm excited to work in the military hospital and give my time and nursing skills to the Army.  I'm hoping to get assigned to the ER again this year.

Pictures will post throughout the week.  For now, here are the muchkins who are fast asleep.  I snuck in to steal one last smooch from each, since I won't get to see them again before I leave in the morning.

See Owen's sweet little red cheek?  He was out at the ball fields
all day with his buddies...playing baseball, trading
Pokemon cards, and bike riding.  My sweet sunburned boy.

Abby and her sleep mask.  It matches her jammies.
Good stuff.

Finally.  After a week of sick, sick, and more sick.  He's starting
to make a solid recovery.  Sleep tight, little man.

Good Stuff

Peanut butter bagels, apples, pretzels, humus, and yogurt.  That's what little kids lunches are made of.  It's the last day of Spring Break, and I have to admit - Spring has finally arrived in our area of Ohio.  It's warm out, the kids are playing in a water sprinkler at a friend's house, after having enjoyed an outdoor lunch of the above.  I haven't been to the grocery store in a week, but thankfully I had kid food on hand for a large group of munchkins (my kiddos and three others!).  Such a wonderful day, and it's not at all how I anticipated it would turn out.  Truly, good stuff.

After worrying so much about getting our travels to Cairo planned, I have to take a moment to put all stuff in perspective.

Bunny Peep S'mores.  Good Stuff.

We missed Jason so much at Easter, but enjoyed the day nonetheless.  We always head up to his Aunt Jeanie's home for a family get-together.  She lives in a rural area, has a lovely house nestled in the woods, and a stream that flows nearby. Each of the kids made an Easter-Egg toting boat (it's a tradition) for the race in that stream.  It rained most of the day, but subsided enough for the kids to partake in the Easter Egg Hunt.  I kissed lots of babies and caught up with his family, bringing them news of our upcoming travels and Jason's assignment in Baghdad.  I even made Marshmallow Bunny Peep S'mores for the kids (thanks Becky for the fun stuff posting linking this idea!), and baked up a batch of brownies.  I downed an enormous piece of Aunt Jeanie's delicious lasagna and happily took home a piece for dinner that night. I played incessantly with my awesome camera that I have been meaning to get to know for nearly a year.  Finally figured out how it works.  All good stuff.

Easter Egg Hunt in the Rain.
Yup...Good Stuff.

Monday came and so did the required doctor appointments for my personal medical clearance.  I caught up with a close friend for breakfast and some shopping before getting to the first doctor's appointment.  Got done with one appointment and headed to lunch for the lull between it and the next.  Jason called when I was lunching alone (have I ever mentioned what good timing he has??) and we got to enjoy lunch together.  Sure it was dinner time for him, and he had already eaten, but in my part of the world, it was lunch with my husband.  Very good stuff.

I went to my primary care doctor, anticipating that he might want me to follow-up again with my surgeon on a new medical issue that had occurred over the past year.  In November I was in the ER with belly pain - I figured it was a kidney stone.  Nope.  Diverticulitis (and even as a nurse, I had always categorized this into 'old person' disease - nearly everyone over the age of 80 has diverticular disease).  I guess it's time to realize my body isn't what it used to be!   After a colonoscopy in February (ummm...not good stuff, but definitely good drugs), my biopsies came back negative and I've not really had any problems with it.  However, I wasn't sure that my primary doc could give me the clearance.  Well, he can.  We talked about what I'd need to do to manage it overseas and he signed off on my paperwork.  We'll see if State wants anything more.  But, for now...good stuff.

On a mission to find eggs!
Excellent Stuff.

And then I even got in a run at Millcreek Trails before I had to pick up the kids.  Sure, it poured on me for the last 1/2 of my run, but I finished out a quick 3-miles and despite the drenching, it was still an awesome run.  Really good stuff.

However, when I picked up Kellen and the rest of the kidlets at daycare, Kellen was obviously sick.  Runny nose, eczema flair-up (he always gets it when he's sick), and a wet-sounding cough.  Ugg.  I got the kids home and the big kids to bed.  I checked Kellen's temp and he had a fever.  After a dosing of Tylenol and Motrin, I called off at work for the following day.  I was supposed to work a 12-hour shift on Tuesday.  Not good stuff.  But when little man is sick, he needs his Mama.

He slept fitfully through the night and woke up with a fever again.  He puked up his bottle on me (his aim is impecable) and I cleaned him up, gave him some more Motrin and tucked him into the magic swing.  He slept for a few more hours and I caught some more zzzz's.  The big munchkins awoke and were little angels while Kellen and I slept.  Really, angels.  Not something I can say often.

So here we are.  Kellen's fever has broken and while he still has that wet cough, he is smiling through it. A trip to the pediatrician is in order for tomorrow.  The kids are finishing their time in the sprinkler, and a storm is threatening to come in.  Kellen is down for a nap, after successfully taking a bottle and a snuggle with me.  I have a fantastic pot of coffee brewing.  Kids laughter blowing in through the windows.  Just recently finished a chat with my hubby on the phone.  We are three weeks out from his leave!  I've got most of my arrangements in order for my Army trip to Colorado coming this weekend.  And the required TM1 is in the works - I've been told we are this close to getting it, and then we can begin the travel planning to Cairo.

Sometimes I feel like I put out one fire only to see that something is burning elsewhere.  If it's not one thing, it's another. But that's life, right?  Take a step back and see the stuff for what it is.  It's mostly good stuff.

And wow.  I just got an email at this very moment with Jason's correct TM1.  Uber good stuff.

Kellen's first Easter.
Beautiful Stuff.

It's Time to Ask for HELP!

Einstein was right.  Time is relative.  One year in Los Angeles?  I swear it was much shorter than a year.  It flew by.  A year with a hubby in Iraq while I [im]patiently wait it out in Ohio with our munchkins...an eternity.  Except when it comes to getting all the details of planning a new life overseas while said hubby is off in Iraq.  Obviously, I didn't take time into consideration.  I SWEAR it seemed like I had forever to get everything accomplished to get us there.  An entire year has to be more than enough time, right?!?!  I mean, what exactly would I need to do?

Passports.  OOPS.  Kids and I don't have them.  Nope.  No one but Jason has a passport.  Before we left L.A. we had the photos done.  But not the passports.  And it takes both parents to be present to get passports for the kids, unless Jason can send me a notarized statement practically saying I'm competent enough to handle it on my own.  However, by the time the mail would come in from Iraq to Ohio, I would be in Colorado (more on that below).  And then when I'm back form Colorado, Jason would be arriving from Iraq on his final leave (!!) and we could just go and do it together.  So that's where this stands.

Medical Clearance updates.  OOPS.  Apparently Kellen didn't actually exist in the State Department's eyes until I could prove otherwise.  I faxed a copy of his birth certificate and thought that was all that was needed.  Luckily, Jason found out that a medical clearance was also required, and our pediatrician dutifully filled out the required forms for us quickly.  But this lack of knowledge on our part still lost us weeks in getting any sort of travel orders for my husband.  Because until Kellen is added as a dependent we can't do anything.  We're still waiting on this to be accomplished - Kellen officially exists in medical clearance but not as a dependent just yet.

Which means we can't get visas to enter Egypt.  We can't get arrangements made for any pack-out.  We can't get arrangements made to ship our car.  We can't get airline tickets.  We just...can't.  You get the picture.

And then I looked at the Medical Clearances we have for the big kids and for me.  OUTDATED.  Yup. Expired as of April 2011.  OOPS.  

Now, I have to be in Colorado Springs, Colorado at Ft. Carson for my 2-week annual military training the first two weeks of May.  I work as an RN for the US Army Reserves and it's my yearly duty to fulfill.  Honestly, I am looking forward to it.  After a big hiccup in planning (my mom was injured at work, and while she is doing well now, she can't watch the kids for the first week of the two I am gone), childcare has been fully arranged for the two weeks I am gone.  I can't tell you what a planning nightmare that was!  Special thanks to my in-laws for taking the kids for nearly the entire two weeks (I will be buying them some very nice bottles of wine in CO!) and to my friend Suni for taking a couple days to help out as well (the kids love 'Aunt' Suni -- "She always brings us sweets!").  This will be a great assignment for me this year - should be working in the ER at Ft. Carson and I fully intend to sightsee in Colorado Springs on my off time!

But the two week annual training couldn't come at a worse time.  After realizing that I have to get MY medical clearance achieved BEFORE I leave, I will be spending all of Monday getting poked and prodded in some uncomfortable places by multiple MDs.  Luckily, I was able to get the kids taken care of last week.  Poor Abby.  She has a serious phobia of needles and well, even a small finger prick for a hemoglobin sent her over the edge.  The doctor, me, and a nurse had to hold her down.  She screamed and then kicked the pediatrician square in his goods.  MORTIFIED.  Thankfully, he's dealt with kids for 30+ years, so he wasn't shocked.  We managed to get her finger prick done and she actually screamed at us:  "THAT WAS IT!  THAT WAS IT!!??"  Then I took the kids out for ice cream.  And a Starbucks for me.

No matter how I look at this, the overwhelming feeling is that we are drowning trying to plan it all out.  Information is scattered and hard to find.  There are multiple agencies to coordinate our move.  And we aren't yet familiar enough with the the big machine of all this.  I feel especially isolated in Ohio - I mean, I can't just drive to HR at State and get things processed (although, even if I was in D.C., I have no idea how I'd even find it.  Or if I'd find the right one!).  Yes, yes.  It's time to ask for help.

So, after a long email to a fellow spouse who's been through this before, I have been pointed in the right direction(s) to get the above achieved.  She got me the appropriate HR contacts and made a step-by-step how-to for me to follow in getting passports.  Literally.  Step-by-step!  All I had to do was ask for help.  Which, from my past blogging noting that I was going to go childbirth all alone, you'll realize I'm not always so good at.

Stress is definitely taking it's toll on me.  I've had non-stop heartburn for days (thankfully, TUMS are a great way to get calcium, right?!?), my sleep is short and fitful, and I am ingesting far more caffeine than any human body should ever attempt to take on.  I was terribly worried about my mom (again - I reiterate - she is doing well!  I'm just not ready to write about it yet.), fretting about planning my training in Colorado, and getting nowhere on all the things we need to get done for Cairo.  Where did time go?  It seems like it's been FOREVER since Jason left, and yet, I feel like I haven't had enough time to get anything accomplished.

But the stress stops here.  From now on I vow to ask for help every time I need it.  I vow to reach out to those who have experience and knowledge about what's going on when I have none.  And I will vent when I am frustrated!  I will work on things ahead of time (umm...ok, this may be a lifelong challenge for me).  But really.  This new life is crazy and chaotic and I just need help figuring it out!

On a final note.  After a long 12-hour shift at work yesterday (but a great shift), I picked up our little man at 11:30pm and we went home.  Owen and Abby were at the fab in-laws for the night.  Anyway, Kellen fell asleep in his carseat and being the exhausted Momma that I am, I just carried him upstairs in it and let him sleep away the night comfortably snuggled in the carseat.  I collapsed into bed and got a decent six hour stretch of sleep until Kellen woke me.  When I went to change his diaper, which had been changed last at daycare just before I picked him up, I found the funniest thing written on it.  Check out the photo.  The nickname on the diaper reminds me to relax, have fun, and enjoy life.  All this stuff will get figured out somehow (especially if I'm willing to ask for help).  

"Uncle Fester" - what our wonderful daycare
jokingly calls our very VERY bald baby.  Gave me
the best giggle of the morning!

It Never Gets Easier

We're now nine months into the Baghdad separation and well over a year since Jason left for D.C. to complete his training before the trek to Baghdad.  I keep thinking it will get easier.  But it never does.  No matter what happens, no matter how long it's been, no matter...it just doesn't get easier.

Our big guy had baseball practice yesterday.  And as I watched him ride his bike down the street to go to practice, backpack and bat strapped to his back, I thought about how much he needed his dad right then.  Dads are supposed to get to spend time watching and helping their sons learn the game.  It's very much a guy thing.  It's not cool having only your mom tagging along to the practices and games, and that's what Owen has right now.  I talked with the coach about our unique situation - dad's not here but it's not because of a divorce or because he's a deadbeat.  It's that right now his service is needed elsewhere.  Coach gets it, and he really works well with Owen.  But it's not the same.

And our little man.  He's going to be six months next week.  All those months of development and learning and growth.  Jason only got a taste of it - just a glimpse - and then he was gone right after Kellen was born. He got another smidge of a view in February when little man was three months and he was home on leave.  And then he was gone again.  I regularly update my facebook page with pics of our sweet baby for my husband to see his growth, but we know it's not the same.  We do what we have to do to get through it.  But it never gets easier.

Our daughter always seems to be the one who's the strongest.  But nighttime is the toughest for her.  That's when Daddy tucks her in and sings her a favorite song.  Mommy tuck-ins just don't cut it.  All of her stuffed animals are from Daddy, and she makes a special little blanket spread for her 'daddy leopard' and 'baby leopard' that he got for her at the San Diego Zoo.  Kids really do show their emotions if you watch very closely.  Abby kisses those animals good night and snuggles down under her comforter after every one of her stuffed animal treasures is also tucked in.

It's not that I can't do this.  Like I've said before, if there's anything I've learned from this experience, it's that I am strong enough to get through this.  But some days are harder than others, and lately they've honestly been harder.  Especially at night.  When the house is quiet and everyone else is asleep and I'm desperately trying to get to sleep myself.  It's lonely and I've missed out on sharing those special moments throughout the day with my hubby - the inside jokes, the special knowing smiles when the kids do something outlandish or amazing, the hugs, the kisses, the deep conversations.  We've made such an amazing life together and it feels like a good bit of it has been on hold for the past year.  I still do all the things I love to do - run, work, hit my favorite Starbucks, catch-up with friends, love my kids.  But there's a void with Jason gone and nothing fills it, even at my happiest of moments.

I know why we do this, and I DO love the life we've chosen. This year of separation is part of the requirement, and we knew it coming into the foreign service.  Jason's assignment in Baghdad teaches the kids about the big picture - Duty, Honor, Service, Loyalty, Sacrifice.  What better example of a father could they have?  We live by what we teach.  But there is no denying that it is hard.  And like I said, it just never gets easier.

My husband has a motto he lives by, and I alway keep it in the back of my mind, especially during the most trying of moments.  "Nothing worth doing is ever easy."

Pinkeye, Poop, and Puking...OH MY!

You'd never think six ounces of puke could cover an entire baby and adult...until it's projectile vomited on you.  But that was this morning, and there were so many other nasty body fluids to remember from this past week.  Here's a week in review for this Momma who desperately needs a shower.

How could so much poop and puke
come out of someone so little?

Monday morning, Kellen awoke angry, pulling on his ears, and with a low-grade temp.  I knew it had to be an ear infection.  I just didn't anticipate it being a DOUBLE ear infection.  A few hours later, we had visited the pediatrician and I was at Target getting his antibiotic filled at the pharmacy.  Kellen was asleep in his stroller and I was able to meet up with a friend for a quick lunch before heading home.  She said "you know it will give him diarrhea" - this turned out to be an understatement.  Kellen had the green-apple squirts from nearly the first moment his lips touched the pink pasty gooey medicine.

And it leaked through every diaper I strapped to his bum. I texted friends begging for advice on diapers.  My older ones are eight and six and so it's just been years of missing out on diaper development and improvement. I tried the Pampers Cruisers.  I should have just wrapped his booty in a few dollar bills for as well as they worked.  Money down the drain.  And the laundry!  It was never-ending.  And the sounds.  The explosions erupting from his derriere were like cannons.  He tolerated it well.  I did not.  But luckily by Wednesday it had started to subside and I had also found a diaper that could withstand the attacks.

Poop-Eye.

However, by Wednesday afternoon, my left eye was suspiciously leaking fluid and was reddened.  I convinced myself it was a corneal laceration, probably from accidentally brushing makeup into it.  On Thursday I awoke and it was redder and more swollen and more leaky.  I went to a training at work to get my ACLS (Advanced Cardiac Life Support) re-certified.  Everyone there saw my eye and avoided me like the plague.  I managed to squeak up to the ER and have one of the docs look at me before I had to leave to get the baby from daycare and he told me it was pinkeye.  Oh, the dreaded pinkeye!  The type of nasty disease you pass from one to another so easily.  My husband calls it poop-eye.  One bottle of eyedrops later and I was picking up the baby.

 I got home and all but incinerated every towel in the house (a huge transmitter of pinkeye - using someone else's towel, which the kids do all the time).  I threw away all my eye makeup.  I used the drops like a madwoman.

By Saturday my eye was better.  And (I hate to even write this, because it may be too soon to do a victory dance)...not one of the kids got the poop-eye.

Saturday afternoon Abby told me her tummy hurt. I got her some Pepto Kids and gave her a dose.  Along with some Sprite for the yucky tummy.  About 30 minutes later I heard "Mommy I still don't feel so good", followed by heaving and the dreaded puke sound.  In the living room.  She hit the ottoman and the floor.  Not the couch.  Good girl.  She ran to the sink and made it to bring up the rest of the pink and chunky goo.  She had a fever.  I had Zofran on hand and just one dose kept her from puking any more that night. She was able to tolerate a few tylenol tabs and I congratulated myself for being such a good mommy nurse (a rarity).

Distinctive Robin Egg Blue Box.
Gorgeous Tiffany Crystal.
Only party it will ever see
is in the garbage can.

And then...I was in the basement tackling yet more laundry.  I noticed some bubble wrap on the floor.  Actually a lot of bubble wrap.  Owen was down there and I asked him about it.  He said he and his friend Danny had found it in the blue box on the shelf. My heart sank.  Blue box...as in Robin Egg Blue Tiffany's Box...with my gorgeous crystal bowl in it.  I opened it, praying for a miracle.  The bowl is no longer a bowl.  It's worthless shattered crystal.  I have so few adult treasures, and this was one of them.  I  had never used it.  I had planned to bring it out when we moved overseas and (I know this is just dreaming, but it was a fun dream) hosted a fun party.  It was an item I had saved for entertaining, and now it will never be used.  Crushed.  My silly little dream was crushed just like that.  Owen felt bad and I wasn't mad at him (no kid can resist bubble wrap - I'll give him that), but it was painful.

I took some laundry upstairs and then....stepped in dog poop.  At the top of the stairs, our chihuahua had left me an unwelcome gift.  I nearly had a meltdown.  Thankfully, it was on the hardwood and an easy clean (he is a little dog, so it's just a little poo), but the timing was terrible.  It was all I could do to get the kids into bed.  We called Jason and he gave them Daddy tuck-ins over the phone.  They fell right to sleep.  I went downstairs to drown my sorrows in chocolate, and there was none to be found.  Just one single little 60-caloried chocolate-flavored Jello Mousse cup.  Sad.  I had hoped to find a lone Hershey's Kiss or a Peanut Butter Cup in the  freezer.  But no.  I got a sugar-free jello. 

And getting to this morning.  Ragged after the week that was.  Kellen woke up early (6AM) and I fed him.  He was overly excited to eat and downed the bottle way too fast.  I saw it coming, heard it coming, and all I could do was hold him while he heaved nearly six ounces all over himself and me.  I wiped him up, changed his jammies and tucked him into the [miracle] swing. I changed my clothes, and crawled under a cozy blanket on the couch for an extra few zzz's.  

Now the kids are up, and I can smell the baby vomit on myself.  I'm going for a shower.  My pinkeye is all but gone, Abby is feeling better, Rusty (our chihuahua) is doing his business OUTSIDE, and Kellen is still blissfully asleep in the swing.  

But that beautiful bowl is still broken.

Two Dozen Crickets...Unaccounted For

Yesterday, I went to the pet store to purchase LIVE crickets for Owen's lizard and two frogs.  They ONLY eat live crickets.  Nasty.  Disgusting.  Repulsive.  This is actually a weekly purchase.  Owen gives me $1.00 of his meager weekly $8.00 allowance and I purchase $3.30 of live crickets.  We wanted him to be at least partially accountable for the crickets, so we set up this system last summer when we purchased the lizard and frogs.  He's since asked for another lizard and frog; we told him it would be an additional $1.00 per week for the additional crickets.  He balked at this idea.  Whew.

Lucas the Lizard.  I like him best.

Anyway, I purchased 30 (actually 34) LIVE crickets yesterday.  After being hit-on by the oh-so-young (and frankly out of his league) cricket keeper at the pet store (He actually used the line - "I gave you 34 but only charged you for 30, so now you'll have to be my friend.  How old is your son because you don't look like you could be any older than me!" [19ish???]), I quickly paid for the crickets and left the store.  I met a friend at the mall, but couldn't leave the crickets in the car while I shopped because it was 30 degrees outside.  Crickets die in this weather - trust me, it's happened.  So, I had to carry the little buggers all through the mall while shopping.  Imagine how chic I felt pulling the bag of crickets out of my purse to get to my wallet...

Jail-Breaker point of exit.

When I got home, I went to the basement and emptied the crickets into their habitat.  And was unhappy to find it was broken.  One of covers on the long tubes was broken off.  I found the broken piece and placed it over the end, making a mental note that I needed to secure it with duct tape later.  Haha.  Right.  I didn't even give that a second thought.  I had more shopping to do that day and a birthday party to finish planning for the next day.

So here I am.  It's now day two since I purchased the 34 crickets.  I went to feed the pets tonight and was NOT HAPPY to find the cover gone.  And nearly all of the crickets gone.  Hasta la bye-bye.  Missing.  Not even a chirp in the basement to be heard.  No skittering of little cricket legs.

I did a quick count:

Two never made it.

34 initial crickets

6 fed to pets yesterday

2 dead on the bottom of the habitat

2 in the other long tube (The idiots!  Now fed to the lizard.  I like him best.)

That leaves two dozen missing crickets.  I scanned the bottom of the frog cage thinking Owen had fed them to the frogs (he likes the frogs best).  No dice.  Not a single living, moving cricket.  Just two sets of giant hungry frog eyes staring at me.

He claims he has no clue where they went...

I went upstairs and asked Owen if he had noticed the cricket habitat was broken.  He had.  But he didn't know what happened to the other two dozen remaining crickets...

It's a mystery.  With any luck it will remain such.  And here's hoping they don't figure out how to breed!