"We Don't Do That Here" -OR - Epiphanies of an Inexperienced Non-D.C.-Area EFM (Part One)

Let's say your really cool spouse (I'll call mine Jason) and you decide you'd like to live the dream and move someplace (non-specific, really anywhere) overseas.  How ya gonna do it?  Department of State, of course.  Nearly three years ago, after a long journey just to get the interview for the dream job, my really cool spouse began his training for his career with the State Department.

Leaving me and our (then) two children behind in Ohio while he started said journey.  For 10 months.   And we had absolutely no, nada, zilch that is! understanding of State and it's vast resources and projects.  I waited patiently for the info that would rarely come.  It would bounce it's way to me via my husband in snippets - an informational CD I promptly lost and never watched (bad Heather), an email forwarded by the hubby from his CDO (Career Development Officer), a packet of papers he uncrumpled from the trunk of his car.  I think I was living in a fog of belief that all things would arrive all wrapped with a big lovely bow by State and just fall together.  Here's the good news - it does [eventually] all fall together.  Here's the bad new - you have to work your tuckus off to make it all [eventually] fall together.

If you're a new EFM (Eligible Family Member) like me, it's a very scary Foreign Service World.  And here's where my itsy bitsy piece of expertise [cough cough] comes in.  We are not from the D.C. area.  And we've never picked up and moved there, although we could have many times during my really cool spouse's training.  You see, nearly everything in State originates from D.C.  And we are so far away and out of the D.C.-Loop.  So, I have what you might call an outsider's perspective of FS life.  And I've amassed most of it from the cozy confines of my couch in Ohio.

If you're still interested, read on.  Because I'm about to summarize all the information and intel I have managed to scrounge up in the past three years with my husband, my trusty MacBook, and a lot of emails.

1.  If you are an EFM, you WILL do so much more with your spouse's new career than you did before he/she joined forces with the Foreign Service.  FS is cozy.  Sure, there are thousands of participants, but I'm telling you, whatever State niche your spouse is involved in - you will see many of the same names/faces/people over and over again.  Jason spent 10 months training in DC and then we were assigned domestically in Los Angeles.  There, two others from his training class were assigned with him.  And of the peeps he met in L.A., two of them ended up in Baghdad with him.  Meanwhile, another from his training class arrived in Baghdad with him.  And since then, I've cyberly met the spouses of two guys he works with - not even realizing initially that Jason knew their spouses. (Get the picture?)  It's a closer-knit group than you may be initially comfortable with.  But then you'll start to realize how important that group is to you.

I made the mistake early on of not thinking I'd need any sort of support group to get through this.  Sure, I joined a Spouse email group, but I did so only because I thought they might post some info I'd need.  I never thought I'd make friends through it, or seek support and solace from those going through the same thing.  Or organize a world-wide running event for we spouses (Yes, I did!).  I'm glad I was wrong.  Don't make the same mistake I did at the beginning of my husband's career.  Reach out and meet and do it early.  It's actually way easier than you think.  FS is cozy and comfortable and accepting.

2.  Taming the paper beast.  Becky at Small Bits is hosting the FS Blog Round-Up this week, and this is her optional theme.  So, here's my two bits for her Small Bits....You will receive an OBSCENE amount of paperwork for State.  All those jokes about the government needing everything in triplicate?  I wish it were that easy.  Whatever you do, keep a copy of what you fill out.  Because I guarantee you will need it again in the future.  It will be lost, claimed never to have been received, claimed to have been filled out incorrectly, end up on the wrong desk, in the wrong department, and even in the wrong country.  Horrific?  No kidding.  Up until recently, I had manilla folders out the ying-yang for every conceivable issue.  Kids' School applications.  Medical Clearances.  Medical Insurance.  Overseas Car Insurance.  All the household stuff you had before you enter the FS World x100.  

Get a scanner.  Make sure you have a decent computer.  Back up your files.  I just got a scanner and it is a life-saver.  It's saved me at least $100 at Kinko's in the last month.  You might think that you can get away with out it.  But you are flat-out wrong.  All those forms you fill out will have to be done again and again and again.  Unless you've already got them on your computer.  I should have bought one the moment Jason's congratulations you're hired letter came in.

Which brings me to my next point on taming the beast - whenever you can, email, DON'T FAX.  Government faxes are like teenage boys standing in front of the refrigerator.  Everything gets eaten and there is no proof any of it ever existed.  

Some other tidbits.

*Government offices are open 8am-4:30pm typically.  Don't call between 11 and noon.  You'll never find a live person it's lunch time.  Call in the AM, because by 3:00pm, everyone is already thinking about what they need to do to get outta there by 4:30.  Call on Tuesday or Wednesday.  Monday and Friday are the worst (Monday every office is hammered with new requests; Friday everyone is thinking about the weekend).

*CC as many people as possible on any requests and follow-up as much as you can to get what you need done.  A fellow spouse once told me that getting correct orders and packout and passports and travel required you to be a complete b*tch and to CC everyone.  She's right.  Although I haven't had to do the b*tch thing yet.  But coming close to tears seems to move people on occasion.

*Get stuff done early.  We waited until the last minute to get med clearances the first time and it was tough.  There's a lot of paperwork involved and if you aren't in the DC-area, you have to use your non-governmental-I-Have-No-Idea-What-You're-Talking-About family physicians and medical groups.  It just means you'll have to fill out more paperwork because you didn't get it done right the first time.  But squeaking in on the last-minute is always painful.  Really, plan ahead.  It will limit the amount of paperwork you do in the end.

Which takes me away from the paper beast and back to my intel on FS.

3.  If you aren't in the DC-area, be prepared to have to do a lot of research on your own.  There is no big "Welcome to State, here are your passports".  Really.  Last week we [finally] managed to process the paperwork needed to get dip passports and regular travel passports for the whole family.  NINE PASSPORTS total.  Just getting the information about how to get passports involved me emailing a fellow spouse and saying "I'm lost.  Help!".  Who then emailed me the info and got me in contact with an HR rep who got me the Special Issuance Office for passports.  Because dip passports get processed differently.  But the process CAN originate in the same facility as regular travel passports.  In a local post office for instance.  Like in Niles, Ohio.

The poor postal worker didn't know what hit her.  It's complicated enough processing five travel passports for a family.  But then we hit her with the "we need diplomatic passports, too."  Her prompt response was "We don't do that here."  We calmly tried to tell her, "Yes, you do." Her answer?  "Well, as far as I know, we don't do that here, because I've never heard of it."  Thankfully, I had my stuff all sorted out!  I had pre-filled out the forms and printed them out; I had the letter that's now required to process the passports fee-free for us (Otherwise, we could have kissed an additional $450+ goodbye), and I had printed out the email instructions on how to obtain dip passports when applying at an alternate location (as in not at the D.C. Special Issuance Office).  A little over an hour later, we were headed out the Post Office door, feeling mostly confident that we had done it correctly.  I'll let you know when the passports arrive.

And Finally.

4.  Pack-Out sucks.  There is no way around it.  We've done it domestically twice in one year.  The first one was done just three days after finally receiving orders.  So not awesome.  Can't wait to see what it's like to move it all overseas [sarcasm]. You will spend money you don't anticipate spending.  It will be a lot.  You will forget to pack something.  You will pack stuff you don't need.  Things will get mixed up.  A lot.  And you'll arrive wondering why you needed so much stuff; yet, at the same time, you'll wonder why it seems you didn't pack enough stuff.

Ok, that's it.  It's not much, but it's what I got.  I marked this as Part I, because I fully intend to expand to additional editions, after we've moved to Cairo and again after we go on our first Home Leave next year!  Here's to a great pack-out.  Because I kinda feel like we deserve it.

$435 worth of stuff.  Mostly baby stuff on this trip.
Stocking up for Cairo!

Impressive packing skillz.

Thankfully, I had no other adult with me.
Because this is the front passenger seat.

I even packed around the baby.
It's hard to see, but the floor in front
of his car seat is packed.

It's Just Six Weeks

Jason returned to Iraq yesterday.  I dropped him at the airport and it's the first time I managed to do so without sniffling into tears as soon as he walked into the terminal.  To be fair, I always wait until after he's out of the car because that kind of emotional reaction is beyond wrong.  Emotional blackmail.  HE'S the one who has to go to be without his family.  In a foreign unwelcoming country.  Alone.  He knows I get all weepy, but I still make sure not to show him.

It was especially hard to see Jason leave this time.  Or beloved chihuahua, Rusty, was hit by a car in front of our home the day before Jason left.  Jason and I took him to the emergency vet clinic and found his pelvic was fractured in three places.  It was one of the hardest decisions we ever had to make.  He was put to rest by the vet and didn't suffer; I know we made the right choice.  But now we're left with another void. 

Jason found Rusty for our family when out shopping at a sports store when we were assigned in Los Angeles.  There was a local rescue shelter holding a pet fair outside of the store and there he was.  We adopted him within a week. Rusty spent sunny days with us at the dog beach in Long Beach.  He slept so far under the blankets with us that you wondered how he could breathe with feet next to him.  He vigilantly watched the kids while they played outside.  He was territorial but friendly once he knew you were welcome in our home.  He made the long car ride with Jason (while I cruised high above in a plane) from L.A. to Ohio and then to DC with Jason to enjoy some time with him and keep him company while the kids and I stayed in Ohio and he finished up his pre-Iraq training.  And now our sweet family companion is gone.  

It's just six weeks, and we've done 12+ week separations so many times before. But it's wearing thin and I fear these last six weeks will seem like an eternity.  In the past three years, we've really had only 10 months together as a family. We're very ready to get to be a family again.  And while Cairo will certainly be a different venue, it will be the most normal of family togetherness we've had in years.

It's time.  We've been waiting for our first family accompanied overseas assignment for so long.  Cairo was in fact one of our top choices and we really are so excited about it!  We actually have orders and can start planning travel.  We applied for passports - both regular and diplomatic - while Jason was home (Goodbye, $760).  I am in the process of applying and interviewing for a job in Cairo.  I've finished the applications for the kids' school.  And we're awaiting housing assignment, and trying to figure out what to pack in our UAB and HHE.  I'm about to hit Target and stock up on the wipes, diapers, and formula we use.  I know we're lucky - almost everything we need can be purchased locally in Cairo or shipped to our APO box (Love you, amazon.com and target.com!), but I like to be super prepared before we get there. Plus, the shopping and the stocking up and the planning take my mind off Jason's return to Baghdad.

And there it is again.  A reminder that we still have six more weeks until he comes back to us.  Permanently.  So we can start our life together.  Again.

It's just six weeks, right?

Long Beach, Valentine's Day 2010.  Rusty was
such a good companion to Jason.

San Pedro tide pools, New Year's Eve 2009.

You can't see the kiddos in this photo but he was vigilantly
watching over them and their every move.

He was the perfect companion for the kiddos.

The three men I was likely to find
in my bed this past year...

It Started As a Griswold Family Vacation

When you spend two months planning the perfect family vacation, it's no surprise that you get a teensy weensy upset when it doesn't go as planned.  At all.  However, what started out as a crazy National Lampoons-style Griswold Family [Mini] Vacation ended as a great two-day Dray Family [Mini] Vacation, with full sanity intact.  Mostly.

It's fun to act like a kid.

Jason's been home on leave from the mean-old Baghdad, and we've enjoyed every minute of it.  This is the first Leave I didn't focus on the countdown-till-he-leaves-to-go-back-There.  Maybe it's because it's his last Leave and the next time he's home it will be permanent (!!), or maybe it's because I'm getting good at this gig (doubtful), or maybe it's because I'm just plain tired of being so emotional over it (likely).

But in any case, we wanted to spend a few days away from our home with the kiddies and give them a sweet little mini-vacation.  I am awesome at planning vacations, whether long or short.  And I jumped into this planning full-on Heather-style.  We decided to keep the drive short and chose Western Pennsylvania, just outside of Pittsburgh, in the beautiful Laurel Highlands area.  We've taken the kidlets to Idlewild and SoakZone each summer we've been in the area, and it's only about 2 1/2 hours away.  If you're reading this, and you're in the DC-area and have young kiddos, we highly recommend it.  It's only about 2 1/2 - 3 hours drive from your direction as well.

Idlewild is one of the the last of the dying breed of great family amusement parks.  Small, kid-friendly, affordable.  The water park is INCLUDED in the admission fee ($25 through AAA, or $32 at the gate).  Parking is free.  They even have grills for use.  For free.  Anyway, I also booked reservations at The Log Cabin Motel in Donegal (about 20 minutes from Idlewild), as there is an adjacent Animal Park/Reserve there.  The Kids LOVE this place.  Plus, Ft. Ligonier is nearby, getting my husband his history fix (nerdy nerd nerd), and I figured I could find some fun shopping in the area.  Perfect, right?

We took the kids out of school THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL.  Packed up the car (you'd think we were moving to Cairo at this very moment with all the crud we jammed into the SUV).  And left our home two hours later than we planned.  As always.

OH, Sh*t.

Imagine our surprise when we approached Idlewild and noticed the parking lots.  Were. Empty.  We pulled to the gate.  Shocked.  Idlewild was CLOSED.  Griswold-style at it's finest.  Turns out that the park was open over Memorial Day weekend, but closed during the week until the following weekend when it would open fully for its season.  I had only checked (very quickly) to see that it was open beginning the last weekend in May - didn't read the print to see that it wasn't open during the week.  I honestly almost lost it.  I am ashamed to say that big tears welled up in my eyes. I wanted this to be the perfect vacation for the kids. Jason whispered to me "don't make a big deal of it, and the kids won't either".  I sucked it up.  Fast.  The kids were upset, but Jason promised them a good time and he delivered.

We drove to historic Ft. Ligonier and Owen (who is obsessed with George Washington) got to tromp around the Fort with his new [fake] coonskin hat and wooden gun.  Abby wasn't so keen on Ft. Ligonier, but she managed to enjoy it nonetheless, with visions of a promised water park dancing in her head.  A kind worker at Ft. Ligonier gave us directions to a local pool and we drove there next.  It was underwhelming to say the least.  But the kids loved it!  The water wasn't too deep, the bathrooms were clean, the grass was soft along the banks, and there were floaties to rent.  Plus, Daddy swam with the kids - their favorite! - and tossed them into the water and encouraged them to show off their swimming skills.  I ignored the beer snack bar (I don't know if they sold anything BUT beer) and brought in our own snackies (Combos and Nacho Cheese Bugles) and drinks (Capri Sun pouches) and we dined as if were owned the pool ourselves.  Owen did some rad moves off the diving board.  Dinner was McDonald's (Like I said, this vacation was all about our kids!) and we checked into the hotel late, about 8:00pm.

Kellen got a coonskin hat, too.

Historic Ft. Ligonier.

Owen loved it here.

Rad moves.

The hotel is awesome for families.  TACKY TACKY TACKY!  Bunk beds made out of logs, 'minky' animal blankets, horseshoe nailed to the wall as a toilet paper roll dispenser.  A total kids haven.  The next morning we beelined to the Animal Park/Reserve.  And thoroughly enjoyed petting goats, a wallaby family, camels, and llamas.  We stared at the tigers and emus.  Abby, when she was three years old had been at a petting zoo and had been surrounded by a swarm of goats (I kid not) and has been terrified by goats ever since.  This time, she conquered her fear, at least a little, and fed and petted some baby goats.

Even I loved petting the wallaby family.

No longer afraid of goats!

Kellen is actually bigger than the baby goat.

Too much candy.  Obviously, Daddy's treat.

Abby and her new airline-approved carry-on Trunki.
She can't wait to fly to Cairo!

Then we drove to Ligonier and ate lunch at the Ligonier Tavern that actually catered to both adults and children with their delicious menu.  We walked the town, shopping in the marvelous boutiques and shops.  Kids ate candy.  Lots of it.  And I found a local coffee shop ("Abigail's" - much to Abby's joy!) to soothe my latte desires.  We drove home and Jason promised the kids he'd take them to a movie the next day.

Things learned on this vacation:

*Jason is dazzled by my Matrix-style ability to avoid Kellen puke.  Baby barfed just a little at the animal park, probably due to the intense heat and humidity.  And I avoided it all, despite it's initial trajectory in my direction.

*You will never remember to pack everything needed. Plan to blow at least $75 at Target along the way.  When you realize you forgot baby swim diapers, towels, hydrocortisone cream, flip flops, and baby toys.  You'll still think of more things you forgot when you're pulling out of the Target parking lot.

*There is never a Starbucks when you really need it in rural Pennsylvania.

*History is cool.

*You have to remind yourself after packing and unpacking and repacking the car...don't forget the kids.

*It's fun to act like a kid.

*Makeup is unnecessary on vacations such as these.  But deodorant is never optional.

*It doesn't matter where the baby sleeps so long as he sleeps.

*You will spend three times as much money as you originally budgeted.  And when your plans go kaplooey (such as our "OMG, the park is closed" moment), you will spend even more.  Get over it.

Finally, the most important thing.  And I thank a new FS friend for reminding me.  It doesn't matter where you are on vacation, so long as you are there as a family.  After a long long LONG year+ of separation, we completely enjoyed our Griswold-style family vacation. Together.

Even at the beer pool.